Zotapine

Let The People Advise

by Pinky Meadow

Page 3

Prefatory note here!

Dear Pinky,
My son died last year in a freak accident. Since then, I've tried everything: therapy, Catholicism, Buddhism, medication, even visiting a psychic. Nothing seems to ease the pain. I'm at my wit's end. What, if anything, can I do to feel better?
Sincerely,
Distraught in Dallas

You are now talking on #dogsex Topic for #dogsex is Discussion of Love and Sex with Dogs. NOT a BDSM/porn/pickup channel.
Topic for #dogsex set by X at 10:15 PM
Distraught: Um, hello
Distraught: Can I ask you guys a question?
Rayx: sure....
mann30 has joined #dogsex
Distraught: Okay cool
Distraught: Do you believe in God?
Rayx: yes
mann30: definegod
Distraught: Okay, hmm.
Distraught: See, my son died in a freak accident recently...okay, a year ago.
mann30: :o
mann30: he didnt die. death is a myth. only body dies. not the soul
kinkylisa: thats a myth
Distraught: What do you mean, mann30?
mann30: Distraught, its a myth that people "die". body die. only thing proven
oldguy has left #dogsex
mann30: We live in virtual reality. so when body die we just get a new one. simple as that
Distraught: You mean like reincarnation?
mann30: the principle is simple and it works. see the matrix movie.
mann30: the theory of VR is not reinarnation. VR is much more scientific explained
Distraught: I'm not sure I follow you.
mann30: VR is a mathematical theor about universe
mann30: the universe is 100% flat, and that is based on new science. only a VR system can be 100% flat
mann30: Distraught, its so complicated you wont understand it unless your into computer graphics...but this theory explains how humans can have a soul which cant die

Well, this goes to show you can find misinformation in the most authoritative places. I don't know much more than what's written in the above letter; still, maybe I could direct the conversation.

Distraught: I'm sorry, but whether or not the universe is computer graphics, my son is still dead.
mann30: not hes noe Distraught
mann30: the world IS computer grahpics, so hes not dead at all
RooZoo: So that explains why we had to invent computers, so we could live forever in 1999.
Distraught: Look, I've tried a lot in the past year. I'm not a religious person, but I've gone to church, temple, support groups, even a psychic.
Distraught: But nothing has helped, really, I still miss him.
kinkylisa: there is rather normal too morn a dead son
RooZoo: Distraught, there's no easy way to cope.
mann30: ths life is not that serious
RooZoo: Loss of dogs for dog lovers is the same as losing a wife/husband. It's devestating, but a fact of life.
Distraught: How do you mean, RooZoo?
RooZoo: My rottweiler is old. She's gotten breast cancer for the second time. She's had a couple of surgeries and a heart attack in the last year.
RooZoo: I know it's coming, but it makes me sad even thinking about it.
kinkylisa: harder with dogs, because yuo know they will go before you
mann30: thsi life is like a game
HungBull has joined #dogsex.
RooZoo: My rotty may not survive the next surgery.
Distraught: So how do you cope? Do you say that you're in a computer and this life is meaningless?
RooZoo: I play games. Life is life. Games are trivial. Life is not.
mann30: life is just a role playing game
HungBull has left #dogsex.
Distraught: So what do you do?
mann30: in this life people make wars. just as role game
Ethan24: Don't make me roll initiaitive!

This is about where it devolves. mann30, RooZoo, and company go at it for awhile. I try one last time:

Distraught: If we're in a computer, mann30, how does that help us?
Distraught: Believing in that, when there's no evidence, sounds to me like believing in God.
mann30: so prove there is no construction
Distraught: You can't prove there is, either.
mann30: and you cant prove there is not
mann30: ...
Distraught: and saying that "Our views are equal" doesn't add to your point.
mann30: it does
mann30: I like my view better than yours

Ah...here, in compact form, is the reasoning behind every argument in the history of man. Later on, the cycle would complete itself:

mann30: "your an idiot" arguments is on the same level as "your a nazi"
mann30: its like proving 6 mill jews died second world war. hard to prove

Fortunately for me, a chatroom member was willing to offer help outside of "Death isn't real."

Ethan24: Distraught... I think you've got the right room... just the wrong night. Mann is obviously more focused on his own thoughts and debating others
Distraught: I noticed that.
Ethan24: What I said earlier about people here caring... they really do...
Ethan24: But what you're dealing with now isn't an easy one... and the best thing you can do (i think) is talk about it and try to find a way to move on with your life.
Distraught: I guess the problem I've had is with people avoiding the subject because it makes them uncomfortable.
Distraught: Other parents, particularly.
Ethan24: Yeah. I think that's part of it.
Ethan24: I have a 4 year old Daughter.... I can't even listen to news stories with bad things happening to kids.
Distraught: I couldn’t either.
Ethan24: makesa pit in my stomach
Distraught: Mine too.
Distraught: People have started cutting me off because I remind them, I think, of their own mortality.
Distraught: Or their kids’s.
Distraught: Right after Daniel died, everyone was very supportive and loving, but after three months nobody would talk to me.
Ethan24: Maybe if the people around you saw you trying to be yourself again.... trying to get back into the routine of living instead of dying they'd be closer and more open to conversation.
Ethan24: Nobody wants to continue bashing themselves against a lost cause. Maybe you need to give them hope that -you'll- be ok.
Distraught: How?
Ethan24: You said that people are no longer willing to listen; maybe they'd be more willing to listen if you were talking about how things are looking up... instead of constantly looking back.
Distraught: People say "Just fake being happy!" and I never believed them.
Distraught: But maybe if I fake it for a while, it'll become easier.
Ethan24: Look: people in your life care about you. You shouldn't need anyone to tell you that.
Ethan24: I'm sure the people around you just want to see you become yourself again...
Distraught: So how do I avoid reaching out to suck other people in?
Ethan24: Step out of the box and try to get back on track with your new life, the one that has -grown- out of the old.
Ethan24: Not everyone can lose and come out the better for it in the end. Wouldn't you rather be one of the few who can?
Distraught: Yes.

At this point, I felt vertigo, or as close as is possible sitting down with a computer on one's lap. Was I the advisor, the distraught mother, or both? If I'm the middle-man, what right do Ihave inferring or creating backstory? And, more to the point, whom is this helping?

Ethan24: So like a addict kicking the habbit... what else can you fill you life with right now that's a postive thing so as not to drown in the misery?
Distraught: I've always wanted to take up sailing
Distraught: but I'm afraid I'm too old to learn how
Ethan24: Well shit, you've lived through this. Couldn't be harder could it.
Distraught: Sigh...I guess not.
Ethan24: No more sighs. Time to get excited about something again! Time to get passionate about something again!
Ethan24: What would you have enjoyed doing with him? There's no reason to leave those things behind.
Ethan24: It takes a long time to get back on track after something like that, but part of being human is having the capability to do so.
Ethan24: Otherwise we'd already be extinct. :-|
Distraught: You’re correct...I guess the answer is that I won't ever find an answer, or not the answer I want. Because the answer I want is that he's alive, which he isn't.
Ethan24: Just because he's not here down't mean you have to stop loving him. Stop Caring for him. Stop living for him. Live for your love of him and everything else in your life your appreciative of.
Ethan24: But damnit, just live.
Distraught: I admit, I feel a little silly.
Distraught: Because I'm so involved with mourning my son, I forgot people who are still alive.
Ethan24: um... primarily yourself in fact....
Ethan24: If he was grown would he have wanted that for you? I think not.
Distraught: He was fourteen and going through a rough time.
Distraught: It's hard to know what he'd want, but I'd rather not shut myself off to spite his memory.
Ethan24: and now he -is- a reason for you to live life to it's fullest
Distraught: Really? How?
Ethan24: It's hard to know what he'd want granted. But you lived through those years. You know what it's like to have been young and gained wisdom.
Distraught: Yeah.
Ethan24: wouldn't you have had your parents -want- to live life to it's fullest?
Ethan24: Don't you even now want that for your parents, for them to be happy and healthy etc?
Distraught: Of course.
Ethan24: Wouldn't any child want that for their parents once they're old enough to concieve the thought?
Distraught: Depends on the parents :p
Ethan24: don't nit-pick. I'm intentionally using generalizations. :)
Distraught: I see.
Ethan24: But you get the idea.
Distraught: Yep.
Ethan24: So... If that is in fact what most children want for their parents....
Ethan24: then you owe it to him alive or not to live your life in as happy and healthy a manner as possible...
Ethan24: You owe it to yourself and the people that love you. Period.
Distraught: That's true, but it's not easy.
Ethan24: If it was easy we'd all be happy all the time and how much fun would that be?
Ethan24: We'd not have anoything to compare it against to recognise it as happiness.
Distraught: Yes.
Distraught: Well, I guess that about covers it.
Ethan24: Hope you have a good night.... hope you sleep better.... hope you awake tomorrow with a new conviction towards life.... and living it.
Ethan24: :)
Distraught: Thank you, you as well.
• Ethan24 also hopes #dogsex hasn't let you down.
Ethan24: :)
Distraught: I'll avoid making innuendo here, only because I can't think of any.
Ethan24: well... jokes or not... there are good people here. Roo, Tessa, Katts, Mousey.... etc. :)  With the occasional Mann. We're an odd bunch... so just bear with us.
Distraught: sure thing.

The anonymity afforded by the internet seems to bring out the natural impulsive towards proactive creation buried in so many people, as well as the . Advice columns don't require the same degree of interaction as chat rooms: they come from print journalism, when questions came in through mail.

I admit, I feel foolish for the glib approach I took to this experiment. I came into this thinking I would find some cheap amusement, but the internet is unpredictable. Would a grieving mother really go into a dogsex chatroom for grief counseling, or a disgruntled roommate to religious chatrooms?

Furthermore, the questions asked all have obvious answers, whether you ask german porn-peddlers or canadian witches: like occam's razor, the easiest solution is usually the simplest one.

Maybe the point of advice columns is not to find out anything new, but to connect with someone outside of your social circle. One can never look at oneself objectively, and friends have a history with you. The appeal in seeking advice is the anonymity factor: only your side of the story is known, the reader cannot interrupt you, and the shame of confessing will not interfere with any interpersonal relationships. It is connection without the baggage of intimacy, and all the potential for pain that comes with it.

For the advice columnist, also, there is a certain associated power trip. Anyone can give advice, and being asked to do so, well...that's a nice feeling. Perhaps "crowdsourcing" advice is the way of the future, or just an entertaining diversion for an itinerant, arrogant twentysomething. Or, least likely of all, it provides some cheap entertainment at the expense of private emotion. Who knows?

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Text © Pinky Meadow 2006. Names have not been changed to protect the anonymous; they need no protection.